The Work Room 2.0

Dear friend,

Hello there. I am writing to you in 2023 in this brand-spanking-new newsletter thing-y because you are either a creative friend, a we-like-similar-kinds-of-books friend, or a podcast friend. Or maybe I just like you and want to be in touch : )

Last year around this time, I started a podcast called The Work Room with my dear friend and coworker, Garseng Wong. We met in one of those lifeless offices with no window and empty cabinets. Together, we recorded weekly episodes about challenges we experienced in medical training and things we were learning as therapists. Until that point, my creative pursuits, mainly writing, have been solitary endeavors. With the podcast, I liked doing something collaborative and generative with a friend.  I liked that we showed up no matter how crap we were feeling (which was very crap on my end because first trimester of pregnancy got me with the nausea). And I liked that we didn’t think too much about what we were doing, or whether it was important or worthy enough to be out there. We decided we had things to say and learn about together and if a few people listened that was enough for us.

In the beginning, after each episode was recorded, we’d get this sick feeling in our stomachs like, did we totally embarrass ourselves? Are we going to get in trouble for this? Are there going to be older/cooler/more experienced doctors out there who listen to our podcast and think we’re totally full of shit? I’ve made enough things to know that this voice that says, be quiet, don’t share, don’t be embarrassing, or god forbid, cringe, never goes away. The lovely thing was that instead of being alone with that voice, we could confess it to each other, and laugh about it, and share the damn thing anyway.

We ultimately decided to take a pause on the podcast after six months because I was having a baby and Garseng was moving to Chicago for fellowship. We’re not going to come back to the podcast for a few reasons. First, Garseng and I are no longer in training together. That phase where he was down the hall from me and I could knock on his door and say, please help me with this thing, it’s come to an end (sob). And I can’t imagine doing the podcast with anyone other than Garseng. The second reason I’m not coming back to it is because I want to spend my creative time writing.

Writing is the gas that makes my engine go (this is the best metaphor I could come up with, please insert a better one). I love it. It makes me happy. I have to do it. Etc etc. But writing is really damn slow. As is trying to get published and waiting for responses. I’m the kind of writer that needs to write to someone and I’m tired of waiting for something to get published to be able to say hey, here’s what I made for you. Come read it if you feel like it.

When I was a kid, my family had a favorite Chinese food restaurant called The Single Pebble. There was a red Lazy Susan at the center of the table, and as they brought out the tea, then spring rolls, then fried rice, the red wheel got more and more full. My life before Miles was an already pretty full Lazy Susan. But now it’s like they just brought out the Peking duck, the main event, the best dish of the evening, and somehow, I’m trying to make all the things that were previously on the wheel fit. (Please ignore that in this metaphor my child is a cooked duck.) What I’m trying to say is that Miles is the biggest, most interesting, most delicious part of my life right now. But also, now my already very stuffed Lazy Susan just became even more stuffed. I explained this to a friend the other day, telling her that I was determined to keep every damn thing on the wheel and just spin it faster and faster so that centripetal force would keep it all on. That’s how that works right? And she was laughing at me and going, “You know that’s not how that works right?” Oh hush, I said.

And yet somehow, here I am, in the beginning of January adding something new to my plate, and that’s writing this newsletter to you. I know its possibly too much, and I have one hour to write while Julia is with Miles, and very little time to revise and make this pretty but fuck it. I’m a creative who needs to be continually putting things out there otherwise I shrivel like those sad trees on my block that have seen too much dog pee. That feeling in my stomach of like omg embarrassing what have I just gone and made and then shared?? That’s the feeling that makes me know I’m alive.

I don’t have a vision for this yet. I’m going to share whatever feels urgent, a lot about writing, a lot about motherhood, maybe a little about doctoring or becoming a therapist. I’m not sure how often. There will be some typos. I don’t really have a plan but I’ll show up when I can. If you’d like to come along, great, and if not, unsubscribe or archive that shit without opening it. I love a clean inbox as much as the next girl so please do you. And if you know someone who enjoyed the podcast or likes the same books as you and might like to hear some thoughts about the creative process, please pass it along. Have a wonderful new year and keep doing the shit that makes you feel a little ill and a lot excited because that’s living right?

Xoxo

Lila