How can I love this spring?

Dear friends,

Happy May 1st. I heard this poem at the end of a yoga class yesterday and it hit me right between the eyes. I was busy in my savasana, assessing whether I had “done enough” with my April, when these words were sling shot directly for my forehead.

God I love this poem by James Pearson. “How can I love this spring?” I could ask myself that question every morning. I could forget it by breakfast and then remember it again when I wash the oatmeal bowl and see the blossoms outside by window.

I had the past month to devote to writing. Very little clinical work and just time to write as part of my addiction medicine elective. What a freaking treat. I kept thinking something would happen to keep me from this time. But no I got it all!

And also, somehow, in this break, I felt the spring energy, and my hopes for this time, pulling me faster and faster through it. Julia would catch me organizing drawers and ordering paint samples and go “Damn you’re really fired up.”

And yet, there were many moments when this world did try and save me. I feel so stupidly grateful that I got to revel in a few of these spring moments. So instead of a list of creative things I did with this time, I’d like to tell you about some times when the sweetness of spring hit me in the face.

1. when my son realized that loud sound overhead was a plane, and craned his head up to catch it, waving his hands through the air in a flying motion and uttering with such friendliness “goodbye!”

2. when we pulled up to our house and my son said “home!”…it was the first time he’d said that word, and now yells “home!” every time we pull up to the house

3. when my son picked a weed on our lawn, toddled over to me, and pushed it towards me with a proud smile…my first gift from my child!

4. lying on my porch inspecting my puppy’s really long eyelashes…who knew dog eyelashes could be so long! can she even see?

5. when we see a bunny and my son says “ho, ho, ho” and I think he means “hop, hop, hop”

6. that chunky squirrel who climbs into our trashcan through a hole in the lid (giving me another problem to fix) and giving my son and his nanny endless hours of entertainment (“oh, oh, oh” and “wow” he says)

7. my son giving a hug to another child for the first time when she was sad

8. that first trip to the beach since winter, taking stock of what’s been lost in the storms and what remains

9. getting woken up at 5am by our puppy and the birds and the morning light (jk that part nearly killed me)

10. picking up my sister from the train station for a magical three-day visit, and the way her faith in consistent creative practice restored me

Until next time,

Lila